


A Soldier’s Honor

by Ehards29



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist - All Media Types
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Ishbal | Ishval, Mustang needs a hug, Post-Ishval Civil War, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Riza is there for him, Royai - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-01
Updated: 2021-03-01
Packaged: 2021-03-14 05:26:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,473
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29787108
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ehards29/pseuds/Ehards29
Summary: Memories of the past can catch up to you when you least expect it. Colonel Mustang knows that all too well after Ishval. Luckily, he is far from alone and can always count on his Lieutenant to be there for him. Based on the interaction between Sheska and Mustang in the archive room in episode 16 of FMA:B. Poor Sheska accidently startles the Colonel during one of his naps and needs Hawkeye to help calm him down after a painful flashback. Sheska learns more about the relationship between the Colonel and his Lieutenant.
Relationships: Riza Hawkeye/Roy Mustang
Comments: 3
Kudos: 27





	A Soldier’s Honor

_All this time I've been hanging on_

_To an edge I caught when we both were young_

_That the world I want wasn't near enough_

_All was distant, always off_

_In all that war I'd forgotten how_

_Many men might die for what I'd renounce_

_I was staging life as a battleground_

_No I let that grasping fall_

-Featherweight, Fleet Foxes

Sheska and Colonel Mustang had developed a certain dance for the past several days and they had learned their movements well. Mustang would come into the records room first thing in the morning to begin digging through any and all documents he could get his hands pertaining to Amestris’s various conflicts through the years, the secret laboratories operating alchemic research in Central, and anything else even tangentially related to what Brigadier General Hughes was looking into before his death. Sheska would greet him each morning with a warm “Good morning Colonel Mustang” and a cup of black coffee. He would smile at her morning greeting, but it was always a small smile that never warmed his eyes ringed with darkness from lack of sleep.

Although she would never state as much to someone who outranked her by as much as he did, the Colonel looked terrible. His normally clean shaven, handsome face was patched with uneven stubble. His hair hung down below his eyes, partially obscuring them so you could never quite see where he was looking. Worst of all, he had a slight musk to him, which indicated it had been a bit since he had a proper shower. She knew he was taking the death of Brigadier General Hughes hard. From what she could gather, they had been very close friends. During her short time working with Hughes, she remembered him giving Colonel Mustang several calls to chat about the goings on with his family. Mostly it seemed to be the same recycled information (how many updates can one man give per week about a three year old child?) but it brought Hughes so much joy and Mustang seemed to tolerate it for the most part. It was the push and pull of their friendship, Hughes getting overly excited about his wife and baby girl, while Mustang was exhausted and exacerbated by it. But as much as he feigned dreading the phone calls, the Colonel never failed to answer them. On some level, she imaged that the mundanity of the phone conversations gave them both a break from the stress of their jobs and relative seniority within the military. As Sheska was quickly learning, there were eyes everywhere in Central and they were always watching.

Part of Sheska and Colonel Mustang’s dance was her shielding him from the scrutiny of others entering the records room. She had a feeling that whatever Mustang was looking into was not quite part of his normal job duties. She also had a feeling that Hughes had been looking into the same things, and it was the cause of his death. This meant on some level, she was responsible for the safety of the Colonel, and she knew he trusted her to keep a watchful eye out. She would constantly make up reasons why certain rooms were off limits to military staff who needed important documents.

“ _Oh, I’m so sorry that room is undergoing maintenance currently, I can’t let you in!”_

_“Please forgive me, that room is mess right now, just give me a minute to clean up. Some people have no respect for shared space!”_

_“A senior military member is currently using that room, I’m sorry, could you come back in a bit? He has requested some privacy while looking into a sensitive matter.”_

However, the game was starting to get old and she was afraid people were becoming suspicious. Sheska had not been in the military for long and technically did not even hold rank, she was just a secretary. It was only a matter of time until people with more weight to throw around caught wind of what was going on. Meanwhile, the Colonel would spend hours in the record room pouring over documents and taking quick naps. She wondered about his other duties and how the rest of his staff was holding up in his absence. Sheska knew that Colonel Mustang’s right hand, Lieutenant Hawkeye, had a reputation as a no-nonsense hard worker, so she was more than likely holding down the fort in his office. Hawkeye would occasionally visit Mustang in the record rooms with paperwork he needed to sign, but she would never stay long and did not comment on the nature of his work in the archives. Sheska suspected the Lieutenant had a soft spot for the Colonel, as she never reprimanded him for skimping on his other duties. Whatever Mustang was up to in the records room, Hawkeye never felt the need to comment on it.

Today was shaping up to be a day just like any other, the Colonel was in Archive Room #4 looking over documents, while Sheska kept herself busy with her other administrative duties. Eventually, she had to file away some documents in the room Mustang was working in, so she gave the door to Room #4 a light knock before coming in.

“Colonel Mustang?” Sheska asked tentatively as she opened the door.

The Colonel was asleep in the corner of the room, papers scattered around him, his chest rising and falling with the sound of his shallow breathing. She watched him as he slept and marveled at how young he looked in that moment. She knew the Colonel was young for his rank, but curled up and surrounded by scattered books and papers, he looked so small and exhausted. Sheska felt as if she was looking at a sleeping child, not a decorated war veteran. She quietly began moving closer to him to begin filling away the large stack of papers she was precariously balancing in both hands, not wanting to wake him. Suddenly, Sheska slipped on a loose piece of paper and felt herself begin to fall backwards as she scrambled to grab hold of something to keep her upright.

“Oh no!” Sheska cried as she hit the floor with a “thud”, her paperwork flying above her head like confetti. As she collided with the ground, Colonel Mustang’s eyes flew open and were filled with a raw terror the likes of which Sheska had never seen. He jumped to his feet and flew in her direction with a speed more akin to agile cat than a previously sleeping human.

“Get down, now!” Mustang cried as he grabbed her by her the lapel of her uniform, pressing her small body against the door of the archive room, his face inches from her own. The Colonel’s face was ragged with rage and fear. He snarled like a feral animal, panting as he held her against the door.

“Who are you?” He cried. “Where are the others, where are they?!”

“Colonel Mustang, sir! It’s me, it’s Sheska! Please sir, please calm down. It’s just me. Please let me go!” Sheska called out as Mustang’s grip on her uniform collar grew tighter.

“Bullshit! Where are they? I know there are more insurgents waiting. Tell me where they are or I’ll burn it out of you!”

“Sir, please! Please stop!” Sheska cried out.

The look in Mustang’s eyes was positively murderous, but it was tinged with something else, something worse. Terror. _Was he hallucinating, having flashbacks from the war?_ Sheska’s eyes moved to the door handle above her head. In a quick motion, she grabbed the handle and the door swung open, sending them both tumbling out of the archive room into the main office. She pushed Mustang off of her and back into the archive room before he could get to his feet. She slammed the door closed, pressing against it with all her weight as she fumbled for the keys. He let out an almost animalistic cry as she struggled to lock him inside the record room. With one final “click” she was able to put distance between the two of them. Mustang continued to let out cries of rage mixed with sobs as he banged on the door.

Sheska ran to the phone, desperately searching through her contact book to find the number for Mustang’s office. She needed to calm him down, and knew there was only one person who could help. The phone to his office rang only once before a calm, female voice answered “Colonel Mustang’s office, Lieutenant Hawkeye speaking.”

“Lieutenant Hawkeye, please. Please help!” Sheska tried her best to stay calm, but she had never felt fear like this before. Her heart was beating a million miles an hour and was afraid she would pass out at any minute from the strain.

“Sheska?” Hawkeye’s voice was measured as always, but there was real fear there. “Sheska, what’s going on? Is everything okay?”

“It’s the Colonel, please help.” Sheska felt tears begin to stream down her face. She had never felt so small.

“I’ll be right there, just wait for me.” And with that, Hawkeye hung up the phone. Lieutenant Hawkeye made it to the records room with a speed Sheska did not think a normal human would be capable of. She entered the room, gun drawn and ran to Sheska’s side. The young secretary was sitting in the corner of the room behind her desk, visibly shaken.

“Sheska, what’s going on?” Hawkeye’s normally sharp amber eyes were drawn with concern. “Where’s the Colonel?” Sheska pointed a shaking finger at Archive Room #4, where just moments ago Colonel Mustang had her pinned like a prey animal.

“He, he’s having an episode or something. I don’t know, I think I woke him up from a dream. He thinks I am an insurgent, that’s what he said.” Sheska wanted to stay calm and measured for the Lieutenant’s sake, but her whole body was quaking.

“Okay Sheska, it’s okay.” The Lieutenant put her hand on Sheska’s shoulder and gave it a light squeeze as she moved her sidearm back to its holster. “Are you okay? Did he hurt you?”

 _Yes_ , Sheska wanted to say, _he slammed me to the ground and threatened to kill me._ But she thought better of it, whatever was happening to the Colonel was clearly not within his control. _His eyes, he seemed like he was a million miles away_ , she thought.

“It’s okay, I’m okay. Please, I don’t know how to calm him down. I don’t know how…how to help him.” Sheska could no longer keep calm, she leaned into her crossed arms and began to cry. It was all too much. _First Brigadier General Hughes, now this_. She was not cut out for life in the military it seemed.

“You did the right thing, keeping him in the room and calling me. Thank you, Sheska.” Lieutenant Hawkeye moved to stand up. “I need you to unlock the archive room for me. Make sure you lock it behind me, I will give you the signal when we are ready to come out. And Sheska, no one comes into this office, can you do that for me?”

Sheska shook herself out of her tears, and looked up at Hawkeye. Her eyes were focused and full of resolve. _I need to be strong, like her_ , Sheska thought. _The Colonel needs my help too._

“Yes, yes of course! I will watch the door and make sure no one comes in.”

“Thank you Sheska. Thank you for helping me keep the Colonel safe. You see, you do know how to help.” Hawkeye smiled and reached out a hand to help Sheska up.

Sheska rose to her feet and walked to Archive Room #4, unlocking the door for the Lieutenant. As the door swung open, she caught a glimpse of the Colonel curled into himself in the corner of the room. Colonel Mustang, who was usually such a proud and confident man, was quietly weeping into his arms, not unlike her just a few minutes ago. It was a heartbreaking sight. Hawkeye didn’t miss a beat though, and it struck Sheska that this may not have been the first time the Lieutenant had seen this man in such a state. Hawkeye walked toward the Colonel and sat down next to him as Sheska shut the door behind them.

“Colonel? Colonel, it’s me, it’s Lieutenant Hawkeye, sir.” Hawkeye placed a soft hand on his arm, and the Colonel flinched, almost as if she had hit him.

“Hawkeye…” He mutter quietly. “Lieutenant, where am I? What’s going on?” His bloodshot eyes rose to meet hers, and she gave him an encouraging smile.

“It’s alright, sir. It’s just me. You are in Archive Room #4 looking over military documents. Sheska was helping you, sir. You remember Sheska, right?” Hawkeye had her hand gently against Mustang’s arm and began using her thumb to rub small circles on his arm.

“Can you feel your feet on the ground, sir? Can you listen to your breath? Let’s take a deep one together, okay? 1, 2, 3 breath in, okay good. And 1, 2, 3 breathe out, yes that’s very good, sir.”

Mustang’s breath was ragged, but he began to breathe deeper and deeper, his body beginning to visibly relax.

“You’re in Central Command, Colonel. You are not in Ishval, sir. You’re safe. Can you say that for me? You’re safe.”

“I’m safe.” Mustang’s body relaxed into Hawkeye’s touch as he repeated “I’m safe” over and over again under his breath.

“That’s right, sir. You’re safe, I’m right here. We can stay as long as you need, okay? I’m not going anywhere.” Lieutenant Hawkeye’s watched the Colonel as his breathing returned to normal.

“Thank you, Lieutenant. I don’t know what happened, I haven’t had one of these incidents in…a while. I think looking at all these documents, thinking about Hughes and what he found out, I just…” Colonel Mustang’s voice trailed off and Riza moved closer to him, taking his hands in hers.

“I know, sir. I still get them too. The flashbacks, they feel so real.” Hawkeye’s eyes looked straight forward to avoid meeting his gaze.

She hated seeing him like this, hated being reminded of all they had done and suffered through in that damn war. She knew how the Colonel felt in these moments. How memories of Ishval could sneak up on you and attack your mind whenever you let you guard down. When she closed her eyes at night, she could still feel the heat of the desert. Could still hear the screams of those she gunned down. When she looked into her scope during target practice, she saw the faces of Ishvalan children stained red with blood and tears as they bawled over the corpses of their mothers and fathers. She could live a thousand lifetimes and never be able to get these images out her head. She was a woman marked forever by her sins, and there was no point in trying to look away from them anymore. It only made the pain worse. The mad State Alchemist Kimblee once told her _never look away from the people you kill_ , and she had taken his words to heart. She knew in the past that Hughes could always help talk the Colonel down, but now he was gone too. It was almost too much to bear, the thought of that kind, naïve man dying before Roy could carry out their promise. _Why him…?_

Riza’s mind began to trail off when Roy gave her hand a quick squeeze, bringing her back to reality. “

Thank you for coming, Lieutenant. I don’t know what I would have done if you haven’t talked me down.”

“You should be thanking Sheska, sir. She was the one who called me down here.”

“I…” Colonel Mustang hung his head, embarrassment and concern coloring his face. “I’m afraid I may have hurt her. I’m so sorry, Lieutenant.”

“It’s okay, sir. Don’t worry about that, I will talk with her and make sure she is okay. I think you should take the rest of the day off, sir. With all due respect, you look terrible.” Riza gave the Colonel a playful nudge in the ribs.

It wasn’t like her to make jokes, but the air was heavy with the pain that had occurred in this room and she wanted to lighten the mood a little bit. He deserved that at least that.

“Hey now, I could have you court marshalled for such comments against your commanding officer.” Mustang shot back.

It felt good to be back to their normal banter. He loved that about the Lieutenant, she always knew what to say to make him feel better. He loved a lot of things about the Lieutenant. Colonel Mustang was overcome with a desire to hold her close in that moment, to be far away from the prying eyes of Central. To be alone in his apartment, just the two of them. To be able to speak honestly about their fears and their regrets. But he knew the professionalism, distance, the “Colonel” and “Lieutenant”-never Roy and Riza-was a necessary coping mechanism. They were both marked for their sins, and they could never escape what they had done in Ishval. When it was all over, when Roy made it to the top, they were destined for the gallows for their crimes. How could two people torture themselves even further with promises of love? Colonel Mustang and Lieutenant Hawkeye sat like that, bodies ever so slightly pressed together, hands intertwined, for what felt like an eternity.

Riza finally broke the silence, rising to give Sheska the all clear to let them out of the archive room. Hawkeye was only too aware what this might look like to a passerby and she did not want to complicate things further for the Colonel.

Sheska unlocked Archive Room #4 and the weary Colonel and Lieutenant stumbled from out of the darkness of the record room into the bright of the office. Colonel Mustang looked at Sheska with an exhausted face and attempted to give her a small smile.

“Sheska, I am so, so sorry. I’m sorry if I scared you or worse, hurt you in anyway. I don’t know if you know this about me, but I fought in the war in Ishval, like Briagdier General Hughes did, and I can get really vivid flashbacks sometimes.” He looked away sheepishly, unable to meet her gaze.

Suddenly, Sheska rushed forward and enveloped the Colonel in a hug.

“Sheska..?” Colonel Mustang stepped back, surprised.

“Sorry, sir!” Sheska pulled back into a stiff salute. “It just seemed like you could really use a hug, sir!” Roy laughed.

“At ease, Sheska.” He smiled at the young secretary. “And you’re right, I did need a hug. You’re one bright young woman, I can see why Hughes saw so much potential in you. Can I count on you, to be part of my team?”

“Yes, sir! Count me in. I want to help in any way I can. But sir, I would advise going home to take shower as soon as possible, sir. You look like you could use one.” Sheska gave an uncharacteristically mischievously at Mustang.

“Alright, alright, I get it! Geez, aren’t women supposed to be the kinder sex?” Mustang laughed. “I don’t think I will be back to the archives for a while, but when I return, I expect your help. Deal?”

“Deal, Colonel.” Sheska extended her hand and Colonel Mustang shook it. Lieutenant Hawkeye smiled at the exchange. The Colonel somehow managed to make allies everywhere he went.

“Thank you Sheska, for everything you have done for myself and the Colonel.” Hawkeye said, turning to the young woman. “You are very brave. You would make a fine officer, if you ever wanted to be one.”

“Oh wow, thank you Lieutenant! That means a lot coming from you.” Sheska smiled at the blonde sniper as Hawkeye began leading the Colonel out of the archive office. Riza gave Sheska a wave as the two disappeared out of the door and down the hallway.

Although Sheska knew she was not supposed to, she could not help but to have spied on the interaction between Mustang and Hawkeye in the archive room. The gentleness of Hawkeye’s touch and words and the Colonel’s reaction to them left little doubt in her mind of their true feelings for each other. There were plenty of scandalous rumors surrounding Colonel Mustang and Lieutenant Hawkeye’s relationship, but none of them even came close to the truth she had witnessed in that room. Theirs was clearly a real love, a love born of respect and shared pain. It was the kind of love that was strong enough to weather any storm. Her only hope was that they knew that too.

**Author's Note:**

> Poor Mustang. I feel so badly for him and Hawkeye after Ishval. I can only imagine what it would be like to fight in a war and have to come back and have to live normally. PTSD is no joke.
> 
> On a lighter note, is it Sheska or Sciezka? Leave your vote in the comments lol.


End file.
